


How Arthur was going to marry

by Weis



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 02:52:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weis/pseuds/Weis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After one too many fics about Arthur’s unhappy, duty-bound/pretend marriage to Gwen, I thought – nothing good comes out if it, ever, except angst and heartache. And no, it’s not about the heir because it almost never comes to that. And then we write modern AUs to fix things. “Merlin” is a story about magic and impossible things, so why make Arthur and others unhappy by trapping them with real-life expectations?<br/>And the crack story was born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Arthur was going to marry

Once upon a time King Arthur woke up with the sudden need to marry. He didn’t know the reason, or why now, or what the rush was – he just knew that Camelot needed the Queen, the sooner the better. Arthur would be hard pressed to explain what the Queen could do that the King couldn’t (no, not the heir, there is magic for that, or adoption) and what catastrophes could befall Camelot without said Queen, but alternative was too foreign and scary to contemplate. All reasons failed before overwhelming knowledge that he MUST.  
Suitable candidate was found right there – ever reliable Gwen was very enthusiastic about the idea, and after muttering something like “it’s about time!” energetically went to make all necessary preparations.  
Merlin, sneakily using Arthur’s moment of goodwill, asked for some free time “to visit mom”, and was out if the gates in a tick.  
Inspired by the possibility to finally wrangle the kingdom into the right order Gwen started talks about castle renovations, establishing Parliament, working unions, Knights feminization, and dragon farms. Arthur advised her to talk to Geoffrey about unions, and not bother with renovations because he should ask Merlin first if they need another tower or two.  
Spooked by possible reforms and new ideas peasants and nobles alike started to avoid the castle and the court. Knights fought for the right to go on patrols to the farthest borders. Servants tried to become invisible and insignificant to avoid attention of progressive monarchs.  
Kilgharrah cowardly escaped, claiming that he misses Merlin terribly. Traitor. Arthur followed him with sad eyes and sighed.  
Morgana foresaw everything, of course, and pre-emptively departed to wait the debacle out in the Priestess castle on the Blessed Isle. A day later Leon begged Arthur to let him leave too, arguing that he can’t fight the matter of the heart and Morgana’ will. Arthur agreed that such matters should be regarded with caution, and let him go.  
The day before the ceremony Merlin didn’t appear, but send a note, claiming that local druids took him a prisoner and named him Emrys. He also added that he is OK, the air is fresh, the meals are square, and he is allowed to walk the dragons. He also mentioned that with the position of Emrys came hand of some local princess in marriage, but he refused that on the ground that his tastes are for Princes only. Well, and maybe kings.  
At this point Arthur morosely wondered when Morgana and Leon will get to spawning something, anything. And why it’s his duty to bother about Queen and heirs anyway?! Besides, Merlin’ news made him worry whether or not the idiot took the warm clothes. Or maybe he, like always, went with only one tunic, one flimsy coat and number of spells. Forests can be cold, draughty and tricky, even for young warlocks.  
Neighbor monarchs weren’t too keen about attending wedding ceremony either. Queen Annis confessed that all her maids outright refused go to Camelot fearing “The Union” and not understanding “set working hours” concept. What would they do with themselves at other hours?! Well, and Queen just can’t manage without qualified help. Though she sent her best regards to Merlin. And congratulations to the bride, of course.  
Olaf wrote that his old manservant refused to go either, thinking that master just wants to get rid of him by feeding him to Camelot’ dragon. Arthur’s reasoning that Merlin loves impertinent lizard and won’t ever feed him anything that may cause indigestion, couldn't sway the old man. So, Olaf was out of the guest list.  
Cenred just sent huge flask of mead and a book of recipes.  
Mithian and Elena were off at the treasure hunt in the Perilous Lands but sent a promise of the gifts. When Gwain and Percival got a whiff about girls’ whereabouts, they were out of the gates in an instant, claiming that it’s their duty as noble knights to help beautiful ladies find as much troubles as they can. And treasures, of course. Arthur just shrugged. Those lands had to be claimed long ago anyway. Surely, Merlin will approve his king’s practicality.  
Well, that’s why the ceremony turned out to be far less crowded than they thought it would. ‘Cause it was Saturday – an official day off by demand of the future Queen – servants were chased offs the castle to enjoy their rightful rest. Unable to function without proper help nobles couldn’t present themselves in a state fit to royal wedding. The only ones present were Arthur, Gwen, Geoffrey of Monmouth was crying over his precious codes, and Lancelot was sulking in the far corner. Arthur silently started to regret Morgause’s untimely death – now was just the right moment for her usual interventions.  
Gwen insisted on the properly progressive handfasting. It should represent new era of uniting people, land and magic. “What magic?” Arthur thought briefly, but stopped under strict glance of the bride. But when glittering magical ropes slipped off their hands for the third time, refusing any possible bonding, his doubts intensified. That was when Arthur remembered Merlin mentioning something about two sides of the same coin… or two halves of the whole?.. Well, something like that. Now strange looks from Iseldir, who paid him brief visit yesterday, kind of made sense. Is that why druid was so startled by finding out that Arthur is going to marry?  
Thankfully, that’s when Lancelot, lamenting his bad luck in love, got to play useful role. Tactically re-oriented, Arthur promised his first knight to shove his too-noble intentions where good boys have no use of it whatsoever, if he won’t start to console his not-to-be Queen right now. Lancelot eagerly obeyed.  
Satisfied that catastrophe is averted, Arthur decided that it’s about time to visit mom indeed. He took two warm cloaks, warm socks – Merlin’s feet are always freezing – and went to Ealdor, to save his other half from the paws of shrewd Druids.


End file.
